Confession Box

ROBOT PRIEST faces audience

SINNER sits sideways to ROBOT PRIEST

SINNER: (Crosses themselves) Bless me Robot Priest for I have sinned. It’s been one year since my last confession.

ROBOT PRIEST: Go on, Sinner.

SINNER: I blocked somebody on Bookface.

ROBOT PRIEST: Have this stone slab for your neck to keep your head bowed.

SINNER: I walked past a homeless man and didn’t give him any money, even though it was payday.

ROBOT PRIEST: Spend two days fasting, outside Greggs.

SINNER: Talking about food, I bought a really expensive lasagne, when a no frills one could have done. Plus, I could have made it from scratch. Wait…that’s two deadly sins in one. Sorry. Oh, and I hoard things.

ROBOT PRIEST: Forget the lasagne. Hoard what?

SINNER: Thimbles.

ROBOT PRIEST: Why?

SINNER: So I can display them.

ROBOT PRIEST: To thimble lovers?

SINNER: No, in my living room. Makes me look interesting to others…

ROBOT PRIEST: Maybe you should think about going thimble-less. It serves no purpose if they aren’t practical. Do you do any sewing? How many thimbles does a person need?

SINNER: They are pottery thimbles.

ROBOT PRIEST: Ridiculous *coughs* Oh, problem solved, then. Suggestion: Use as water cups for insects on your window ledge.

SINNER: I don’t read about politics, but I read silly articles about celebrities.

ROBOT PRIEST: Neither do I. So do I…

SINNER: Sometimes I can’t be bothered to brush my own hair.

ROBOT PRIEST: I suggest you run continuously at top speed, every day, on waking, for ten minutes, for the rest of your life.

SINNER: I was angry with my boss for reducing my hours.

ROBOT PRIEST: Don’t be a double slave to yourself.

SINNER: Robot Priest have mercy on me!

Do not look upon my sins

But take away all my guilt. Here (gives ROBOT PRIEST a black heart, which he rips up)

Create in me a clean heart

And renew within me

an upright spirit.

A-robot.

(SINNER receives absolution from ROBOT PRIEST and receives a white heart)

ROBOT PRIEST: (short circuits) The audience is your conscience (repeat x 6)

Copyright © Deborah Edgeley

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